Guys, (she pauses, fingers hovering over the keyboard like a hovercraft, [what else hovers?] her own writing style a poignant reminder of how her language is being controlled by the patriarchy even as she types. . .)

Um. . .(she’s caught, nothing else flows from her fingers quite like. . .)

Guys. I don’t want to totally change your life right now, but with the knowledge from a science class from years past having a little comeback (like the Backstreet Boys!) in the back of my head, (“individuals don’t evolve” my teacher screamed! That’s basically my research) I have actually solved our patriarchal problem.

We must sever the dicks from our society, both figuratively, and literally. Now you may not think that I know what those words mean, and you are right. But I know that one way AND another, the dicks must go.

I propose the removal of dicks from dick personalities. In this way, all men that are dicks will die off within a few generations (barring underground dick fugitives) and all men that have dicks will then not be dicks. And thus dick-ish patriarchal values will be wiped from the face of the earth. The end.   

#AModestMouseProposal 

(Cause I just watched "Lampshades on Fire" have you guys seen that shit? Cray.)