omg, I LITERALLY couldn’t blog today, I was sooooo busy. But, like, here I am. Yay me!

Guys, I love being a girl. There is a graveyard of hot pink mascara tubes in my car and it is a fucking masterpiece. (Mascara is the haphazard finishing touch to my devil-may-care chic, thus it is applied hastily at red lights, and the bottle is subsequently forgotten, until it is rediscovered when being joined by another of her sisters tossed aside in my center console. At that point however, it has baked, melted, and reformed so many times in my hot car that I am fearful it will be toxic if applied to my face and may actually eat my eyelashes like acid.)  

My bathroom counter is similarly a work of abstract art. Do I need that many different colorfully labeled and cleverly named products to look this amazing? No, asshole, I just like the way they smell. And sometimes a splash of color that wouldn’t naturally be found on my face is refreshing and oddly flattering to my features in its alien-ness. And skin doesn’t moisturize itself and yes I still get the occasional pimple all the fucking time, five years past puberty whatthefuck? .

So yeah, it’s not like I life (to life, it’s a verb, or a typo. . .) on soap and water. Which brings me to my glamour caveat.

Girls, (and all other people,) you do you boo! If you don’t want to wear makeup or shave your pits don’t let anyone tell you you should! You shouldn’t. You look better with that soft down keeping your underarms cushy anyway! I feel like Lady Gaga right now, but for real, you were born that way and you’re perfect. (I should take a sec to note that if you are a serial killer you might be an exception to this post. Strongly consider the contents of your freezer before continuing.)

Think about who you are right now. Close your eyes for a second and imagine yourself. What’s your flavor? What’s your thing? Don’t think about who you used to be. Or who you want to be someday. Imagine yourself in this moment.

You’re perfect RIGHT NOW. (And by “perfect” I mean that your flaws are endearing and otherwise balanced against your virtues. Real perfection doesn’t exist, dorkwad.) So be you today!  

As the great composer Mika says, “big girl, you are beautiful” and I’m sure he would also say, “awkward string bean girl, you’re beautiful too.” (And “pear shape girl you’re pretty,” and “upside down butternut squash girl, you rock” etc. etc. why are we all fruits and vegetables?!)

So be who you are. Decorate your body or not. But only do it for fun and never do it for anyone but you.