And now, another episode of. . ."Birthday Similes!" aka "B-Day Be Like. . ."

Birthdays are like attempted suicides. Just one lonely person getting a little closer to death.

Birthdays are like funerals. It’s supposed to be about you, but it’s really all about the partygoers and how their day is going.  

Birthdays are like road trips. You pass a few important milestones, and then you’re like, “fuck it, let’s just wing it from here on out.”