Birthdays are like ghosts. They come out once a year and remind you of your mortality.*

Birthdays are like poops. When you’re a kid they’re an accomplishment, when you’re an adult they’re just routine.

Birthdays are like séances.  Lots of candles, and always one annoying bitch gets possessed by the spirit and tries to surprise you by jumping up and screaming.  

*Ghosts can enter the world of the living only on Halloween. Ooooooh.