B Helps Me Not Be Eaten by Adult World:  

B: A, your really need to stop letting people tell you what to do. Make me a smoothie, would you?

A: Sure, B.

B: As I was saying, you really need to find your voice. Figure out what you want and then stand up and say it, loud and proud!

A: Well, I’ve been thinking—

B: Also, stop being a doormat.

A: I was welcoming you into my house.

B: And try not to let people condescend to you, do you think you can manage that cupcake?

A: That’s good advice. . .

B: Stop listening to other people and start listening to the Y.O.U!

A: Okay. I mean no, wait—if I listen to that advice, I’m simultaneously not taking that advice. In fact, that advice is actually impossible to follow because it dictates that you don’t follow advice . . . right?

B: Yes, yes dear. And make sure you command your audience; speak clearly and forcefully, and make other people listen to you when you speak.

A: Erm. . . ermmmkayyyuuuh. . . 

B: And don’t care what anybody thinks.

A: Not sure if I can entirely control how I feel, I could probably pretend that I don’t care like most people. . .

B: But make sure everybody loves you.

A: Not sure if I can control that either. . .

B: And don’t be an idiot, everybody hates that.

A: I’ll try?

B: Alright, I’ve got to run. Text me later.

A: Wait, so I shouldn’t text you because I’m not being subservient anymore?

B: Fucking text me, you idiot! What do you want, no friends?

A: (to herself) I am very confused about life.